Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Official entry for retards of the year


We may just have a winner for fucking retard of the year, because Christopher Monks from jolly old England is such a weirdo someone could tell me this story is either complete bullshit or 100% true and I wouldn't even be surprised either way. If I've learned anything from writing this blog, its that fucking retards are all over the place, and whether its giant potatoes that look like little Asian girls or being able to pay money to shoot grenades at Somalian pirates, nothing is really that surprising anymore.

Christopher Monks and his bi-sexual boyfriend, Shaun Skarnes, met each other on a "furries" website. For those of you who are fortunate enough to get off on regular stuff like vaginas and boobies and butts and weiners, "furries" are people who pretend to be animal characters and share sexual role-playing fantasies. Giggity.

While chatting it up online on this website, Skarnes agreed to murder Monks' parents one night while they were asleep. In exchange for doing his dirty work, Monks didn't want any money or his furry dry cleaning bill taken care of or anything. All he wanted was for Skarnes to fulfill his ultimate sexual fantasy of having his dick bitten off. Seriously. How could I even make that up? HE WANTED HIS DICK BITTEN OFF.

Unfortunately, while Skarnes went to kill his furry boy toy's parents, he woke them up, and the father wrestled with the weirdo while the mother called the cops. Epic fail.

Mr. Monks stated, "There is no-one in our closest circle of friends who is not shocked at what has happened."

Really Mr. Monks? You mean your son was caught hatching a plan to murder you and your wife with his bi-sexual furry boyfriend in exchange for having his dick bitten off to fulfill a sexual fantasy, and all of your friends are shocked by that? I guess they weren't very close friends.

the article also stated that "mr. monks was left with bruised arms, a cut palm and bite marks." as if this couldn't get any weirder, there were bite marks? jesus these kids are fucking retarded


Paul Blanchard July 26, 2009 at 7:57 PM  

So no-one else has these fantasies?
No wonder parents and squirrels avoid me...

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