Monday, July 27, 2009

Another one bites the dust


MJ. Farah Fawcett. Ed McMahon. Billy Mays. Walter Kronkite. The Taco Bell Dog. It's been a rough summer, as we've lost one titan of industry after another over the past few weeks.

But now I regret to inform you that we've lost an international icon, one who proudly and feverishly spread his seed from the U.S. to Germany to Spain to Holland; a true international man of mystery. I am talking, of course, about the death of Mike, the sea lion who died from a rare condition known as 2MF - 2 Much Fuckin'.

Berlin - A male sea lion from California called Mike has died of exhaustion after over-exerting himself during the mating season in an animal park in Nuremberg, Germany, the city said on Tuesday.

The 19-year-old father of 12 offspring through three different females - Farah, Tiffy and Soda - showed signs of tiredness at around midday on Monday, the southern city said in a statement.

"Mike could no longer get out of the pool and was brought ashore by staff. The extremely weakened animal was treated by a vet but died from acute heart failure around 15:30 (1330 GMT)," it said.

"Mating season is a common time for fatalities when bulls often stop eating for days to devote themselves fully to mating. For sea lion bulls with a harem this is the most exhausting time," it noted.

The statement added that Mike's offspring can be found in zoos as far afield as Berlin, Spain and the Netherlands, and that the 285kg animal was so "good natured" that people could touch him.

So as the sun sets across the sky tonight from east to west; as the light gives way to darkeness and today fades into tonight, take a moment to stop what you're doing and pour some out for Mike.

He is a true inspiration to all of us who need to be reminded to "get busy living or get busy dying." And "living" to Mike meant not eating, not pooping, not even sleeping. Just straight beatin' on sea lion pussy until his fatass had to be dragged out of the pool. As a mentor and role model to slutty sea lions everywhere, Mike may be gone, but he will never be forgotten.

Your candle burned out long before,
Your legend ever did....

farah, tiffy, and they name sea lions after strippers?


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