90's PSA Friday
VERDICT:
its ironic/retarded that this video is wayyyy more entertaining if you're stoned. thanks, early-90's. in other news, i just found my new ringtone
Friday, June 19, 2009
The foxy flight attendant rap
I know what you're thinking. Why are these lovely women beat boxing? Is this supposed to be a rap? What the hell is going on here?? The only answer to these questions is, who the shit cares??
These girls could be singing 99 bottles of beer on the wall in Chinese-pig latin for all I care. Quickly, rank their hotness from 1-5........Trick question. Its impossible! Picking a hotter girl from these 5 is like arguing about the chicken and egg. You've got a hot dirty blonde, a hot brunette, 2 regular hot blondes, and the hot half-black chick in the middle with tits from heaven.
VERDICT:
not retarded at all. this is awesome
Thursday, June 18, 2009
VERDICT:Lord of the flies, and the entire universe
Reason #843 why Barack Obama is the man: Ninja reflexes.
Now, I'm not very political, and thats not the point of this site at all. If something in the news doesn't concern my fantasy baseball team or some sweet titties, I'm probably not interested. And yea, I voted for Obama, but it was mostly because he plays basketball and watches The Wire. But regardless of who you voted for, you can't deny that Obama is the fucking man. He's our generation's Frank Sinatra or Fonzie.
A while ago I asked a friend of mine, who's both a big golfer and a big pot smoker, if he would rather golf 18 holes with Tiger Woods, or smoke a joint with Barack. He answered smoking with Barack quicker than the man, the myth, the legend himself swatted that fly.
It should also be noted that if George Bush ever tried to pull this off, he probably would've slapped a baby or poked his own eyeball out.
O-BAM-A!! O-BAM-A!!
White men can't jump, these black dudes can't dance
Wow. What the fuck is going on here?? Apparently the song is from a Zelda video game, but I had no idea black dudes even played video games other than Madden, let alone had dance parties to the Zelda soundtrack.
On a sidenote, big up to the Indian dude from Parks and Recreation for posting this video on his blog. Not that he reads this site (your loss Indian dude from Parks and Recreation), but apparently I should be crediting other websites when I find shit like this. Whatever.
VERDICT:
this is like a weirder, gayer boyz II men video
Take me out to the ballgame....then kick me out for being too awesome
UMPIRE EJECTS ENTIRE CROWD DURING BASEBALL GAME
Some umpire at a high school baseball game in Iowa ejected over 100 spectators from the game for being "unruly." Now, I can admit that umpires have a pretty thankless job. If they do their job right, nobody notices, but if they screw up, everyone hates them. However, I still have several issues with this schmuck in Iowa.
First of all, this is the most un-fucking-American thing I have ever heard of. Baseball is our national past time, and if you can't get drunk and yell obscenities here, what the hell are you supposed to do? Be one of those fucking weirdos who goes to a game listening to the radio broadcast on his walkman and keeps his own score card? Fuck that. You know where else they kick fans out for heckling? Fucking Baghdad. And Nazi Germany. And probably North Korea too. (Or maybe South Korea? Whatever the bad one is with the funny little guy in charge.)
Secondly, unless I'm playing in the game, this ump has zero authority over me. I know it. He knows it. Everyone should know this. As far as I'm concerned, I would tell this ump to take the $25 he makes per game and stick it up his cunt. OK, I probably wouldn't say cunt if there were parents around because I'm kind of a pussy and I wouldn't want any of the parents in attendance to tell my mom what I said. But I digress. This isn't the 18th at Augusta. This is a freaking high school baseball game!! Heckling is just as much a part of baseball as Dominicans, sunflower seeds, and steroids.
Its also important to remember that this game was in Iowa. Last I checked, the Hawkeye State wasn't exactly a thriving cultural center. Once you get kicked out of the local high school baseball game, your entire weekend is pretty much shot. All because of some shithead umpire.
VERDICT:
fuck you ump. go shove your 25 bucks up your cunt
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
Little kids eating pavement
If you don't think this is funny, you either have no sense of humor, or are a pretentious shit-eater.
VERDICT:
i'm pretty sure the forefathers of the internet did not have this kind of thing in mind when they were doing.....whatever it is someone would do to invent the internet, but thank god they did
Sunday, June 7, 2009
You got knocked the fuckkk out
Two things. 1. Note its the kid to his left that is fucking with him. 2. Why the fuck did he take his shirt off?
VERDICT:
closed-fist is usually always better than an open-hand bitch slap, but in this case the bitch slap was fucking AWESOME. and now that i think about it, ripping your shirt off before slapping someone out of their goddamn chair is fucking badass. touche
Monday, June 1, 2009
Retard of the day
EGYPTIAN REPORTEDLY SEVERS PENIS FOR LOVE
- (I can only assume Megan Fox is better than a picture of a guy with his dick cut off. Much better.)
CAIRO (AP) — A 25-year-old Egyptian man cut off his own penis to spite his family after he was refused permission to marry a girl from a lower-class family, police reported Sunday.
After unsuccessfully petitioning his father for two years to marry the girl, the man heated up a knife and sliced off his reproductive organ, a police official said.
This is the ultimate catch-22. Sure you may think you're spiting your family by cutting your dick off, but in the long run you're really just fucking yourself. But since you no longer have a dick, its impossible to fuck yourself. Condundrum!!
VERDICT:
whether you're married or not, you're gonna need that dick, buddy. have fun sitting to piss the rest of your life
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