Thursday, June 18, 2009

Take me out to the ballgame....then kick me out for being too awesome


Some umpire at a high school baseball game in Iowa ejected over 100 spectators from the game for being "unruly." Now, I can admit that umpires have a pretty thankless job. If they do their job right, nobody notices, but if they screw up, everyone hates them. However, I still have several issues with this schmuck in Iowa.

First of all, this is the most un-fucking-American thing I have ever heard of. Baseball is our national past time, and if you can't get drunk and yell obscenities here, what the hell are you supposed to do? Be one of those fucking weirdos who goes to a game listening to the radio broadcast on his walkman and keeps his own score card? Fuck that. You know where else they kick fans out for heckling? Fucking Baghdad. And Nazi Germany. And probably North Korea too. (Or maybe South Korea? Whatever the bad one is with the funny little guy in charge.)

Secondly, unless I'm playing in the game, this ump has zero authority over me. I know it. He knows it. Everyone should know this. As far as I'm concerned, I would tell this ump to take the $25 he makes per game and stick it up his cunt. OK, I probably wouldn't say cunt if there were parents around because I'm kind of a pussy and I wouldn't want any of the parents in attendance to tell my mom what I said. But I digress. This isn't the 18th at Augusta. This is a freaking high school baseball game!! Heckling is just as much a part of baseball as Dominicans, sunflower seeds, and steroids.

Its also important to remember that this game was in Iowa. Last I checked, the Hawkeye State wasn't exactly a thriving cultural center. Once you get kicked out of the local high school baseball game, your entire weekend is pretty much shot. All because of some shithead umpire.

fuck you ump. go shove your 25 bucks up your cunt


Brad Bird August 1, 2009 at 8:14 AM  

The hawkeye state isn't much of a cultural center...but Des Moines (the capital) is. It gets better every year, and is FANTASTIC for the arts.

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