I ain't saying shes a gold digger.....

MAN ACCUSED OF PLOTTING MAYHEM TO WIN WOMAN'S LOVE

Romeo and Juliet. Mr. and Ms. Pacman. Leonardo DiCaprio and whatshername from Titanic. History is littered with great pairings of love and romance, but sometimes its not so easy as gobbling up ghosts or drawing rich married chicks naked to court the one you love. Sometimes, like Jimmy Santiago-Dominguez, you gotta plot some mayhem to get 'er done.

35-year old Santiago-Dominguez was in a long-distance relationship with 23-year old Elissa Rodriguez, and had paid her rent, utilities, and gave her over $100,000 over the past 18 months. But apparently, the relationship wasn't quite progressing like Santiago-Dominguez had in mind. In addition to being a gold-digging whore, Rodriguez apparently set up Santiago-Dominguez's sister on a date with a dude who gave her herpes. And as the old Chinese proverb goes, Fool me once, shame on me. Give my sister herpes, shame on you. So what did Santiago-Dominguez do? The only logical think one can do when a gold-digging whore won't put out and gives your sister herpes.

The plan? Hire his roommate to kidnap Rodriguez, slash her face repeatedly with a utility knife and torch her Toyota. That way, Dominguez reasoned, he could "be there for her," helping his disfigured angel recover from her wounds by giving her tender care and a brand new car.

Fucking brilliant, right? How could something like this ever go wrong? Unfortunately, Santiago-Dominguez's roomate is a jealous prick, and ratted his boy out to the police. He was immediately arrested, and is being charged with mayhem, kidnapping, and arson. Now, kidnapping and arson are pretty self-explanatory, but how the fuck does someone get arrested for mayhem? That is just about as badass as it gets. I don't even think you could commit mayhem in Grand Theft Auto, and you could do pretty much anything in that game.

VERDICT:
as bono said, "in the nameeeee of retarded love, what more in the name of retarded loveeeeeeee."