Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Hot dogs and hamboogers

Boogers, farts, and drunk stepdads. And this, my friends, is the kind of hard hitting news story that get Matt Lauer and Tom Brokaw wet in the morning. Investigative news at its finest.

Police say the bizarre incident began to unfold late Friday night after the family stopped for some fast food on the way home. Once inside, the 12-year-old and LaDuke, who police say was intoxicated, began arguing before he allegedly picked his nose, put the mucus in the hamburger and tried to get her to consume it. She refused, and LaDuke allegedly grew more angry when her 9-year-old sister passed gas, sparking laughter from the family, according to Sgt. Eric Clifford, a city police spokesman.

LaDuke then uttered something along the lines that "you think that's funny," after which the older girl sprinted off the second-floor porch. She broke her arm, sprained an ankle and suffered cuts and bruises to her face, Clifford said. Despite the woman's pleas to call for help, LaDuke grabbed a 2-year-old child and left the home.

First of all, what the hell does "grabbed a 2-year old child and left the home" mean? Who the fuck was this 2-year old? Were there babies just laying around, ripe for the picking? Seems a little weird.

But more importantly, you are goddamn right we think farts are funny, Cliff LaDuke. Since when did drunk stepdads earn the right to act all high and mighty? Maybe you should get off your booger-wiping pedestal and loosen up a bit. Maybe fart in your hand and throw it at someone? Child psychologists have proven time and time again that fart throwing is way more effective than making little girls eat your boogers.

how stinky must that girl's fart have been to make her sister jump off the fucking porch? broken arm and a sprained ankle just trying to evade a fart? god bless her because that girl must be packing some thunder. fart box jr.?

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