Aaaarrrgghhhh

SOMALI PIRATES MAKE OFF WITH $3.2 MILLION RANSOM

So apparently pirates from Somali have been cruising the oceans lately, which naturally begs the question....pirates? Really? Fucking pirates?

Apparently pirates have been running shit off the coast of Somalia since their civil war in the early 1990s, at least that is what Wikipedia says and who am I to not trust Wikipedia? Nobody thats who. Maybe I just haven't been paying attention but has anyone out there heard a thing about real pirates until the past few months? This is shocking to me. Fucking pirates?

These fuckers are holding people hostage, getting millions of dollars dropped to them from airplanes as ransoms, and according to this article, "they wed the most beautiful girls; they are building big houses; they have new cars; new guns." What the fuck!? Pirates are ballin! Where do you sign up for this shit? Forget this horseshit PR stunt, it sounds like being a Somalian pirate is the best job ever.

That article also said this: "Pirate spokesman Sugule Ali told the BBC Somali Service at the time: 'Everybody is happy. We were firing guns to celebrate Eid.'" I dont know what the hell Eid is, but how do you become a Pirate spokesman? Thats the sweetest job title I've ever heard.

VERDICT:
whats next? witches and vampires?