Arts and farts

STUDENT, 15, SUSPENDED FOR PASSING GAS

A Polk County teenage student has been suspended from school because he intentionally passed gas, according to school officials....School officials said the teen repeatedly passed gas to make other children laugh. They said the smell also made it difficult to breathe.

In all seriousness, I once had a roommate who hands-down had the worst smelling farts I've ever smelled. And it wasn't like once-in-a-while-after-too-many-buffalo-wings that they would really stink. This kid consistently ripped the wettest, nastiest, most toxic farts of all time. And I fucking hated him for it.

The living room always smelled like an overwhelming mixture of Febreze and a garbage can full of dirty diapers. And not a little garbage can, like you might have in your bathroom or under your desk. I mean a big ass industrial-sized metal garbage can, like where Oscar the Grouch lives. Imagine one of those fuckers full of moldy, shit-filled diapers, spray a little Febreze on there, and welcome yourself to my old living room.

By the end of the year, our couch was unusable and we all just stayed in our rooms. So if this 15-year old's farts are anything like my old roommate's, I say lock him up and home-school him. And when he's locked in his room sulking, light that little shit (pun intended) on fire. His friends and the ozone will eventually thank you, guaranteed.

VERDICT:
suspended for farting? really? retarded