LIL' WAYNE INTERVIEWED BY KATIE COURIC FOR THE GRAMMY'S......
Katie Couric: "If you had to ask President Bush a question about (Hurricane Katrina), what would it be?
Lil' Wayne: (shakes his head disapprovingly) "I'm a gangster, and gangsters don't ask questions."
Duh. 2 rules to being a gangster.
1. Don't ask questions.
2. Be interviewed by Katie Couric.
VERDICT:
sweet forehead tattoo man. seriously, that looks so cool
POLICE: NY BOY DRESSED AS GIRL TO CHEAT ON EXAM
Some kid got caught dressing up as a girl so he could take a test for someone else. Wow talk about being stuck in the friends zone.
VERDICT:
taking the test for someone else...OK. dressing up like a girl to do it? pretty retarded
AFTER SUSPENSION FOR NODDING AT OBAMA, DRUM MAJOR QUITS
During the Inauguration last week, a marching band was doing their thing as they passed by the stage where B-Rock Obama was standing. The drum major (AKA lead nerd) John Coleman claims him and Obama made eye contact, and Coleman gave the soon-to-be Prez a slight head nod. Coleman has since been suspended for this horrible act and recently quit the marching band amid all of the attention he has gotten since.
"Its gotten to a point where I don't want embarrassment anymore between the pipe band and myself," Coleman said.
Good move John...when you're wearing a hat like that in front of 2 million people and another hundred million or so around the world on TV, embarrassment is the last thing you'd want.
Seriously whats the big deal about a little head nod? Coleman basically did the same thing anyone else would do when passing a black guy in the street....simple head nod, minimum eye contact, just move on before your iPod and wallet get stolen.
VERDICT:
being suspended from a marching band probably isn't the worst thing in the world
MISTRIAL AFTER DEFENDANT SMEARS FECES ON LAWYER
This story is pretty standard.....
Man shits in plastic bag.
Man brings plastic bag to court.
Man dips his hand in bag of shit, and wipes the shit on his lawyer's face and hair.
Man throws shit at jury.
Man gets mistrial and $1 million bail.
The end.
VERDICT:
must've been a shitty lawyer....get it? throwing your own poop around a court room is about as retarded as it gets.
UNAPOLOGETIC COACH OF 100-0 WIN FIRED BY SCHOOL
Remember when Herm Edwards flipped out and started saying, "YOU PLAY TO WIN THE GAME.....YOU PLAY TO THE WIN GAME....YOU PLAY......TO WIN.......THE GAME" over and over again?? Well apparently that is no longer true, sorry Herm.
Last week a girl's high school basketball team in Texas beat another team 100-0. And now, after refusing to apologize for his team whupping the other team's ass, the head coach of the winning team is being fired!
On top of that, everybody loves this losing team now because they never gave up throughout the game and showed so much heart and perseverance and all that other bullshit. NEWSFLASH: Those are nice ways of saying that you suck.
Are you girls fucking kidding me?? You took 7 shots all game. And missed all 7!!!!! You haven't won a game in 4 years!!!!!!!!! Thats an entire high school career!! How do you even lose 100-0?? You'd think a rebound would bounce off your fat worthless, uncoordinated faces and go in the basket at least once during the game.
This team of mongoloids should be the ones getting fired. Just get rid of the whole basketball program and buy some new computers for the school or something.
VERDICT:
its girls high school basketball, so who really gives 2 shits in the end?
This happened over a year ago, but whatever its so fucking retarded it deserves to be honored and remembered here. Some guy filled a blown up condom with laughing gas and put it over his head and accidentally killed himself.
Is there a worse way to be found dead than naked with a condom over your head and an empty can of nitrous next to you? What could your tombstone possibly say to spin that?
VERDICT:
wow. gold-medal level retarded. at least he died having a great time.
PEDROIA'S BROTHER ACCUSED OF CHILD MOLESTATION
American League MVP Dustin Pedroia's brother made the news recently amid accusations of child molestation. As a Yankee fan this story completely delights me.
"Brett Pedroia, 30, was taken into custody Jan. 9 on a probable cause warrant for two counts of oral copulation and lewd acts with a child under age 14." How good could a BJ from a boy under 14 even be? I'm almost positive it can't be good enough to be worth all the trouble, but I guess its possible. No word yet on whether the tiny little boy being molested was actually just Dustin Pedroia.
VERDICT:
hahahahaha.
I can't take full credit for inventing this game, but I will take full credit for realizing how awesome and hilarious it is, and continuing it nonstop until its not that funny anymore.
The rules are simple. Think of a movie title, but in place of a word from the title, add the word "vagina." Some examples are as follows.
-Good Vagina Hunting
-My Big Fat Greek Vagina
-V for Vagina
-Honey I Shrunk the Vaginas
-Fear & Loathing in Vagina
-I am Vagina
-40 Year Old Vagina
-No Country for Old Vaginas/No Vaginas for Old Men (try to avoid these duplicates unless its golden - known as the Spring Corollary)
-There will be Vagina
-Remember the Vaginas
-Bad News Vaginas
-Varsity Vaginas
-Shawshank Vagina
-The Legend of Bagger Vagina
etc, etc.
The game is best played when high as shit, drunk as hell, or preferably both.
VERDICT:
only retarded if you consistently just say "vagina" for 1-word movie titles
Some genius scientists tell us that drinking 7 cups of instant coffee a day "may leave you more likely to see, hear and smell things that aren’t there." This study is one of the first to connect caffeine with hallucinations, and apparently 7 cups of instant coffee in 1 day will do the trick. If I drank 7 cups of coffee in one day I would literally shit my organs into my pants, but according to this article, I wouldn't be able to see, hear or smell any of it.
If a tree falls in the forest, and nobody is around to hear it, does it make a sound? And if I am hallucinating about not shitting my pants, but in reality am shitting my pants, am I really shitting my pants?
VERDICT:
only retarded if you actually shit yourself and legitimately don't notice
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